Monty Python's Flying Circus
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Citacions[modifica | modifica el codi]
- El meu aerolliscador (hoovercraft) és ple d'anguiles. - De l'sketch "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook"
- Jo m'oposo a tot aquest sexe que surt per la televisió. Vull dir, que segueixo caient. - Graham Chapman és una dona vella.
- Ningú s'espera La Inquisició espanyola! - De l'squeig "Spanish Inquisition"
- No està llanguint, ha caducat!. Aquest lloro ja no és. Ha deixat de ser. Ha caducat i ha anat a trobar el seu creador. Això és un antic lloro. Ha estirat les cames. Privat de vida, descansa en pau. Si no l'haguèssis clavat a la perxa, ""pushing up the daisies"". Els seus processos metabòlics són ja història! "He's off the twig!" He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! ' ' ' ' ' Aquest és un exlloro!- Sketch del "Dead Parrot".
- Client: Bé ho sento, però li hauré de disparar.
- Comerciant: D'acord, senyor.
- Client: Quina pèrdua sense sentit de la vida humana.
- end of the "Cheeseshop" sketch
- I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'. -End of "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch
- Eh? know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, say no more, say no more! -from "Nudge, nudge"
- Rule Six, there is NO Rule Six. Rule Seven, no pooftas!! -from the Bruce sketch
- Bruce #1 (Eric Idle): I find your American beer like making love in a canoe.
- Bruce #3 (Michael Palin): Why's that, Bruce?
- Bruce #1: 'Cause it's fucking close to water!
- -An aside in the Bruce sketch from Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
- We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose. -from Crunchy Frog sketch
- Well there's rat cake ... rat sorbet... rat pudding... or strawberry tart.
- Man: Strawberry tart?!
- Woman: Well it's got some rat in it.
- Man: How much?
- Woman: Three, rather a lot really.
- Man: ... well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it. -from Dead Bishop sketch
- The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the raspberry-laden foe but also the raspberries. -from "Self-defense against Fruit"
- Wife: Have you got anything without SPAM?
Waitress: Well, there's SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, that's not got much SPAM in it.
Wife: I don't want any SPAM!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon SPAM and sausage?
Wife: That's got SPAM in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much SPAM in it as SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, has it?
Vikings: SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM... Lovely SPAM! Wonderful SPAM! -The infamous Monty Python SPAM skit (Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, and Terry Jones, and Vikings) which was the inspiration for use of the word SPAM for junk advertising on the internet.- Wikipedia article; WAV sound file of the SPAM chorus
- Mrs. O: [reading her horoscope] You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid subtropical zones, and you wear spectacles.
Mrs. Trepidatious: It's very good about the spectacles.
Mrs. O: It's amazing! -"What the Stars Foretell", episode 37
- Graham Chapman (announcer): Tarquin Fintim-Limbim-Whimbim-Lim Bus Stop-F'Tang-F'Tang-Olé-Biscuit-Barrel.
Political Newscaster: Silly Party. -From Election Night sketch. Michael Palin represents the Silly Party, while wearing a complete clown suit and a silly open-mouthed grin.
- Yes, well, that's the sort of philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads and not giving a tinker's cuss for us struggling artists. You excrement! You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs. Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me! -From the Architect sketch
- Well, er, yes Mr. Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy, they're a positive boon." -the Vocational Guidance Counsellor Sketch
- "For many years the Pirahna Brothers conducted their extortion "Operation" undetected and without fear. However, when they detonated a tactical nuclear warhead, even the police had to sit up and take notice." -From the Pirahna Brothers sketch
- "Dinsdale said "you've been a very naughty boy not paying up (the extortion money) Walter" and then he stabbed out my eyes and cut my right leg off. I said "But my name's not 'Walter'. After that, he became positively cross. So he nailed my head to the floor." -The Pirahna Brothers
- "Sir, you claim to actually be the true author of all of Shakespeare's works?"
"Yes, I do".
"But sir, how could you have written them if we have evidence of them being performed well over 300 years before you were born?
"...Well, I must admit, that point is where my argument falls through. To be honest, I was hoping you wouldn't ask that one...but you're much too clever for me."
- Mr. Himmler: Pleased to meet you, squire. I also am not of Minehead being born but I in your Peterborough Lincolnshire was given birth to. But am staying in Peterborough Lincolnshire house all time during vor, due to jolly old running sores, and vos unable to go in the streets or to go visit football matches or go to Nuremburg. Ha ha. Am retired vindow cleaner and pacifist, without doing war crimes. Oh...and am glad England vin Vorld Cup. Bobby Charlton. Martin Peters. And eating I am lots of chips and fish and hole in the toads and Dundee cakes on Piccadilly Line, don't you know old chap, vot! And I vos head of Gestapo for ten years.(Hitler elbows him in the ribs) Ah! Five years! (Hitler elbows him again, harder) Nein! No! Oh. NOT head of Gestapo AT ALL! I was not, I make joke! -From the Mr. Hilter sketch
- I love animals, that's why I kill 'em.- From the Mosquito Hunters sketch
- I always preferred the outdoor life…hunting…shooting….fishing…getting out there with a gun and slaughtering a few of God’s creatures.
- There are a great many people in the country today, who through no fault of their own, are sane. - The Silly Vicar sketch
- There’s nothing an agnostic can’t do if he really doesn’t know what he believes in.
- Announcer: This man, he doesn't know when he's beaten! He doesn't know when he's winning, either. He has no… sort of… sensory apparatus…
- And Now for Something Completely Different; during Oliver St John-Mollusc's failed attempts to leap 2 layers of matchboxes in the "Upper-Class Twit of the Year" sketch
- Well, Daddy was a banker, and he needed a wastepaper basket. - City idiot's explanation of why he went into business.
- Announcer: Vivian is there, Vivian is coming through, Simon's in second place, and there's Oliver, (shows shot of Oliver lying dead underneath a red sports car) but not necessarily out of it. -From Upperclass Twit of the Year
- Specialist (John Cleese): Ah! Mr Luxury Yacht. Do sit down, please.
- Mr. Luxury Yacht (Graham Chapman): Ah, no, no. My name is spelt 'Luxury Yacht' but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.
- -Cosmetic Surgery Sketch
Dialogue[modifica | modifica el codi]
Whither Canada? [1.01][modifica | modifica el codi]
Italian Lesson[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Francesco: Milano è tanto meglio di Napoli. Milano è la citta la più bella di tutti… nel mondo…
- Giuseppe: He say "Milan is better than Napoli".
- Instructor: Oh, he shouldn't be saying that — we haven't done comparatives yet.
Whizzo Butter[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Pepperpot #1: I can't tell the difference between Whizzo butter and this dead crab.
- Interviewer: Yes, we find that 9 out of 10 British housewives can't tell the difference between Whizzo Butter and a dead crab.
- Various Pepperpots: It's true… We can't… No.
- Pepperpot #2: Here. Here! You're on television, aren't you?
- Interviewer: [smugly] Yes, yes…
- Pepperpot #2: He does the thing with one of those silly women who can't tell Whizzo Butter from a dead crab.
- Various Pepperpots: Yeah, yeah.
- Pepperpot #3: You try that around here, young man, and we'll slit your face.
- Pepperpot #4: [quietly] Yeah, with a razor.
It's the Arts[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Interviewer: Get your own arts programme, you fairy!
The Funniest Joke in the World[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Voiceover: This man is Ernest Scribbler, writer of jokes. In a few moments, he will have written the funniest joke in the world… and, as a consequence, he will die… laughing.
- . . .
- Voiceover: It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain's great pre-war joke [Cut to stock footage of Neville Chamberlain returning from Munich and holding up the Munich Agreement, the "this is peace in our time"-bit.], and one which Hitler just couldn't match.
- [Cut to stock footage of Hitler giving a speech.]
- Hitler: [subtitle] My dog's got no nose!
- Soldier: [subtitle] How does he smell?
- Hitler: [subtitle] Awful!
- . . .
- Voiceover: In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in I950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
Sex and Violence [1.02][modifica | modifica el codi]
Working-Class Playwright[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Neighbor: And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks…
- Mum, Dad: [from upstairs] We've done that!
- Neighbor: Oh, all right. All right! A man with nine legs.
- Off-Camera Voice: He ran away.
- Neighbor: Oh… bloody hell! Er… a Scotsman on a horse!
It's the Arts [1.06][modifica | modifica el codi]
Johann Gambolputty.... von Hautkopf of Ulm[modifica | modifica el codi]
- Mr. Figgis: Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-
luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?"
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